Two Years Ago...

Two years ago at this time (12:36 p.m.) we didn't know we were we spending out last 12:36 with dad. The feeling in our home that day was like nothing I have felt before. Filled with angels to carry him home I imagine, it was the most "still" day in my memory.

In my short life I've been with several people as they left this life and moved onto the next. Each time I am reminded of how calming and gently we move to the other side of the veil, this time was no different. Dad wanted his family by his side and he was surrounded when his journey ended.

It was this very day two years ago that I found myself lying on his chest...listening to every single heart beat, wondering if another would follow. As distinctly as I remember anything I remember lying there on his chest for hours listening to every "thump." That night, two year ago, I lay listening with my ear pressed to him chest, mom holding his hand, Ambree his other and Iszacc curled up at his side. That's when I heard it, the last "thump" followed by nothing.... it was quiet and somber yet peaceful and hopeful.

As I try and make it through my day at work, a tear will suddenly drip down my cheek. The world feels and sounds a lot like it did this day two years ago. It's loud, but quiet, fast paced yet frozen, full yet empty. Everything and everyone are moving along their normal work day, yet I'm stuck working my normal work day yet feeling nothing normal at all. His smile and laughter ring in my head, his gently sincere voice echos in my head and I miss him. I miss his as much as I did that moment I stopped hearing the "thump" of his chest two years ago.

This photo, this photo shown above gives me peace. It was a time when we could laugh with him (or "At him" as he would accuse us) and we'd find joy in the smallest of things.

I know many of you miss him today as much as I, but we must remember the joys that we faced through the heartbreak, the laughter that drowned the tears and the hope that heals the wounds.